1981 Topps Movie Giant Pin-Up

Last week I was graced with one of those rare coincidences that happen to place something new and exciting into your lap. I was on eBay at the right time using the right search terms, and I won this.

I'm kicking myself now for failing to include something else in the scan of this pack to demonstrate the size of scale. The pack is probably about eight inches long by four inches wide. Most mysteriously, it's sealed in a fashion amazingly similar to the card packs of today. The top and bottom are pinch-sealed and there's no wax to speak of on the whole thing. The consistency and feel of the wrapper is much closer to paper than the erection-inducing plastic of Topps Heritage, but there are hints of this movie pack being a progenitor of the modern packaging. After all, my nipples are hard right now.

The ad wizards at Topps were kind enough to announce all of the possible "hits" from a pack on the back. The films' release dates range from 1975 to 1981, a key transitional period where film was moving away from the auteur directorship of the '70s to the summer blockbuster marketing scheme that has dominated to this day. I'll share with you now my thoughts on pulling any of these posters.

EPIC WIN
1. Jaws: I'm considering going as Mayor Larry Vaughn this Halloween.
2. Superman: Pioneered superhero existentialism in a way that hasn't been seen in film until this summer's Dark Knight (and to a lesser extent, in the first two Spiderman movies).
4. Airplane!: Great co-writers and -directors from my hometown.
5. Star Wars: Yes.
7. Animal House: Double Secret Probation.
8. The Empire Strikes Back: "Hoth-style" was an adjective I coined in high school.
9. Young Frankenstein: "Put...the candle...back!"

NOT TOO SHABBY
6. Rocky: Good movie, but ensured that Sylvester Stallone would never go away in my lifetime.
11. Revenge of the Pink Panther: Peter Sellers is great.

FAIL
10. The Blue Lagoon: Haven't seen it, lack the desire to. Brooke Shields and a dude with a blonde afro just doesn't appeal to me.
12. Smokey and the Bandit: Not a Burt Reynolds fan.

EPIC FAIL
3. Grease: One of the worst movies of all time. Why anybody would like this is beyond me. Really horrible, annoying songs that still get played at sporting events, weddings, elevator gatherings, etc.

It looks like I've got a better than 50/50 shot at coming away with something good.
Let's tear in.

Ugh.

My one shot and I totally blew it. Perhaps I just didn't put in the hours at the gym.
At least I get a piece of gum out of the deal.

Ouch. It's broken into a thousand pieces, and it's beginning to eat through the wrapper.
Wait, a wrapper on the piece of Topps gum? From 1981? This is Heritage's grandaddy after all.

The results are in!