If SP Authentic stepped out for a few minutes to buy a pack of smokes, and its roommate took a phone message, it might sound something like this: "Uh, yeah, I forgot to tell you, SP...ummm, Throwback Threads called, it wants its design back."
If you really care what's in here, keep reading. Let's (sigh) tear in.
Top to Bottom:
58 Ben Sheets (I don't even like getting Ben Sheets cards, so I can imagine how Joe Average must feel. It must be a lot like craving a Dr Pepper and being told that the establishment you're in only carries Mr. Pibb. This card fits perfectly in this set.)
36 Grady Sizemore (I pull this guy in just about every set. Not a bad player, but I'd prefer a Tom Sizemore. Actually, I wouldn't.)
50 Carlos Zambrano (No need to state my feelings on this one.)
63 Johnny Damon (Alex Trebek: Answer. This formerly bearded wonder has been irrelevant since leaving he Red Sox. Contestant 2: Who is Johnny Damon?)
31 Brian McCann (Good player. Take a look at his leg pads. Yeah, the left leg. No, McCann is not a battle-scarred mech soldier. Actually, his protector is partially obscured by his jersey number, 16. No, look closer, I'm not lying. Alright, I admit that it's invisible unless you're holding it up to the light at a certain angle with only a half a degree or so of wiggle room either way. Upper Deck must have attended a one-day workshop on the power of hypnosis and decided on a whim to experiment a little. Oh well, I guess it could have been single frames of pornography spliced into family features.)
Grade: D-
Don't buy this stuff.
(And yes, I do realize the scan of the wrapper is upside-down. I decided to go all Inverted Jenny and shit. Upper Deck dS would be ever so much fun.)
Scoop away, I'm dead broke and in a blue funk. That beautiful Brian McCann in full catchers gear made my tender bits a bit tingly though so thanks for that fleeting moment of joy.
ReplyDeleteWait, wait, wait... SP Authentic is a retail product now??
Good Lord, how the mighty have fallen. We'll see UD Black in Target by year's end.
I just can't get into very many cards without natural backgrounds, aside from the artsy cards. Actually, come to think of it, Allen & Ginter cards have this sort of afterlife feel to them... weird.
ReplyDeleteBetter hope Tom Sizemore doesn't see that little crack. He's liable to do a mountain of coke and come looking for you.
ReplyDeleteAs innocuous as your comment was, Tom likes any reason to do coke and kick ass.