Sunday, March 21, 2010

2009 Bowman Chrome


I guess I just refuse to let this blog die. (Should the words "with dignity" end that last sentence?)

First of all, let me state that this pack of cards has been sitting, opened, on my shelf, for probably at least six months, if not more. At the present, these cards are now curled up like a bag of Fritos Scoops. You know, the big ones that enable America's plumpening in the ass and mid-section regions. And the thighs of you womenfolk.

Secondly, I can state with authority that I remember some of the circumstances surrounding my purchase of this pack of cards. Only when I looked at my receipt did I realize that I had bought a JUMBO pack, not the regular pack. I cry foul on this one. Since when does a JUMBO pack contain five cards? Mother fuck. I'm still having flashbacks, and soon the state is going to have to pick up the tab for some serious PTSD medication.

What I need right now is someone roughly the height, build, and hairiness of Robin Williams to firmly embrace me while repeatedly assuring me, "It's not your fault. It's not your fault." Then I'm going to turn on the shower and sit there for an hour while the blood slowly leaks out of my violated asshole, which is now the size of a pickle jar. Then a cab driver will ridicule me about the "back door delivery" I wasn't expecting. (If you can identify both film references in this paragraph, flaunt your prowess in the comments. Now.)

Let's tear in.

Top to Bottom:
122 Alexi Casilla

13 Cliff Lee

BCW48 Some WBC guy from Japan (God, this stupid WBC crap showed up in too many products last year. It created a climate in which I refused to buy a single pack of 2009 Topps Chrome, and I loved 2008 Topps Chrome. When there are four cards in a pack, it is inexcusable to get a WBC card. I am on alert for 2013 already, where the field may be expanded to 24 teams. Expect 50 percent more of this crap should that occur.)

BCP185 Jack McGeary

123 Scott Kazmir

Kick me in the nuts, swiftly.

4 comments:

deal said...

well I have to chime in with a Good Will Hunting for one reference and maybe Taxi Driver for the second but that is on shaky ground. can't believe nobody opened this b4. I will post something here someday but I keep getting shutout for fun packs to rip.

Thorzul said...

Good Will Hunting - Correct!

Taxi Driver - Wrong!

grant said...

I'm scared to comment at all on this one! LOL 100% agreed on those FN WBC cards I bought a jumbo box and about slit my own wrist. I have triples of chrome refractor Chin ming tsoes probably got that name wrong but he was from south Korea I think I dunno I burned the cards and got High of the fumes because the paralells that were numbered were all WBC'S whatever chemical they use for those great rainbows is a bad high the kind that makes you paranoid. : ) the new purple ones are great to smoke though hopefully my trauma eases your well "Pain in the ass" so to speak! Grant

Chris Andrew said...

Outrageous. Jumbo packs with 5 cards. You never know with the bowman chrome though, maybe there's a gem in there 5 years down the road.