2005 Upper Deck Pros & Prospects

Let's tear in.

Top to Bottom:
9 Brian Giles

55 Randy Johnson
7 Alex Rodriguez

40 Gary Sheffield
46 Shawn Green
52 Rafael Furcal

So this is some set from 2005 that WAITAFUCKINGMINUTEHOLDONWHATTHEFUCK???

1980 Topps Pepsi??? And there's a Robin Yount card in it??? My BBCP search to find more about this wretched Pros & Prospects set led me to this information. Great, another Robin Yount card I can never dream of affording. I blame you, Brian Giles.

2007 Topps Updates & Highlights

Part of a Target repack box from a few years ago, I'm guessing. This set was really good about showing guys standing around with bats.
Let's tear in.

Top to Bottom:
120 Jason Phillips

293 Wilson Betemit
172 Yunel Escobar
126 Chad Gaudin
30 Kevin Frandsen

71 A.J. Pierzynski

GN447 Ian Kinsler Generation Now 23/27 Doubles
157 Andy LaRoche
314 Craig Monroe
255 Dmitri Young AS

234 Francisco Rodriguez AS
219 Alex Rodriguez AS

As I've already finished this set, all cards are available for trade.

1988 Donruss

It's the junkiest of the junkwax.
Let's tear in.

Top to Bottom:
420 Mike Henneman
418 Mark Williamson
419 Bill Schroeder (Woohoo, Brewers TV color man!)

17 Tommy John DK

300 Checklist
417 Curt Ford (Some pretty weird numbering in this pack so far.)
416 Brian Dayett
414 Damaso Garcia (At least these will be easy to sort.)
415 Brian Fisher
413 Nick Esasky
412 Greg Gross
411 Shane Mack

410 Dave Smith (Perpetually sunburnt on cards.)
409 Jim Winn
39 Kirt Manwaring RR

That was a pack of baseball cards of statistical significance only. I ended up needing 10 of the 15 cards, and some of the doubles actually went into the set as condition upgrades. Yeah, my '88 Donruss pile is an ugly bastard.

1993 Cardz William Shatner's TekWorld

Springing forth from William Shatner's TekWar book series were many things: Branded bop bags, an ill-fated licorice product, children's sheet and pillowcase sets, a television series, and a chain of animatronic pizza palaces. Foremost among these, however, was TekWorld, a comic book published by Marvel. These are those cards.

Let's tear in.

Top to Bottom:
40 (There are no names for each card scene, so I'll give them my own based on the picture.) Grace Jones: Dare to Fly

41 The Day the Earth Took Pills

42 Hairscaping by Guile

43 Robinson JanSport on Mars

84 "This Tanning Bed Has an 11-Minute Limit"

85 I Spy With My Little Eye…

86 Ineffective Close-Quarters Combat

I don't know about you, but I'm not a big fan of a mostly sequential pack of cards. Not sure what sort of story these were trying to tell, and I'm not going to make an effort to find out.

1991 Topps Stadium Club Series 2

I have two of these packs to open, so on Twitter I asked for someone to pick which one it should be. The cellophane on the back allowed me to see that one pack's last card was Vicente Palacios and the other's was Dale Murphy. They went with the Murphy.

Let's tear in.

Top to Bottom:
555 Mike Devereaux (Here's an interesting concept for a blog: All cards numbered 555, call it the Generic Sitcom Phone Number Card Blog. Too wordy, yes, but someone could make it work.)
314 Pedo Guerrero (Ha, he has a dirty cartoon from a Penthouse mag taped to the inside of his cap.)

563 Dave Gallagher
506 Roger McDowell (Holy shit, that Mets fan kid with the world's skinniest arms is about to give Roger the old one-two for switching to the Phills.)

405 Tom Candiotti
458 Wally Whitehurst (Gosh, all the real stars were in series 1, weren't they?)

449 Bob Ojeda
479 Mike LaCoss
434 Casey Candaele (Love that '87 Traded double-flap rookie, never seen it before.)

574 Jerry Don Gleaton (One of the worst names in sports history.)
486 Gary Redus
511 Rick Fucking Cerone (Yes, I've been had. Dayf called it.)

2008 Bowman Draft Picks & Prospects

Last night we got into "Turn that shit off" mode rather early. I flipped off the game, slipped in a disc of Sopranos season 6.2, and declared loudly, "At least I don't have to put up with this shit for another eight months." Baseball season has now officially begun, even though the misery that counts doesn't begin for almost three months. An old pack awaits.

Let's tear in.

Top to Bottom:
BDP24 Elliot Johnson

BDP14 Chris Davis
BDPP105 Wilkin Ramirez

BDPP106 Ryan Mattheus
BDP21 Micah Hoffpauir Chrome
BDPP85 Jason Donald Chrome

BDPP56 Anthony Capra Gold

Meh.

2009 Upper Deck Icons Football

Let's open a pack of football cards. I've had a retail pack of 2009 Upper Deck Icons lying around for years. Let's see if this will be a crystal ball into this weekend's future. Let's say the likelihood of a team winning is increased by the presence of a card in this pack. The chances double if the player is still active for that team.

Let's tear in.

Top to Bottom:
61 Eddie Royal
The Broncos gain a slight advantage, but Royal played with the non-playoff Chargers this year.

89 Andre Johnson
The Texans are guaranteed victory over the Patriots on Sunday. Andre Johnson pulls in 26 catches for 417 yards.

44 Earnest Graham
Retired. The Buccaneers never make the playoffs again.

7 Brandon Jacobs
The Packers dodge a huge bullet here, with Jacobs being released by the 49ers this past New Year's Eve. Jacobs reportedly celebrated the holiday by retrieving a box of noisemakers from the basement and eating three Banquet brand pot pies, alone. The Giants insignia on this card ensures that for the 2013-14 NFL season, Eli Manning will squeak a 6-10 team into the playoffs and then tear through them by an average victory margin of 39 points.

5 DeMarcus Ware
No prognostication from this card, other than the offseason strangling of Tony Romo by a defensive teammate.

Well, the pack had little to say other than predicting the Texans' upset of the New England. Have fun this weekend. If you get a chance, build a time machine so UD can make their '09 Icons baseball cards look as good as the football brand.

2007 Upper Deck Series 1 Retail

First pack of the new year, a Target cheapie that had been lying around for some time.

Let's tear in.

Top to Bottom:
89 Neal Cotts

269 Tim Hudson
76 Jon Lester
217 Tyler Walker

360 Rickie Weeks

422 Geoff Blum
345 Nomar Garciaparra
CRTG38 Cal Ripken, Jr. / Tony Gwynn Heading to the Hall

Seven base cards.
Three guys with the same team in 2012: Hudson, Lester, Weeks
One playing with a different team in 2012: Blum
Three no longer in MLB: Cotts, Walker, Garciaparra