The Dirty Dozen: 1999 Skybox Metal Universe

Here's another pack that I also busted in the 20-for-$40. I'm hoping I pull a subset card or an insert, just so I can post all those ridiculously written card-backs.

Base Set:
Carlos Guillen (Building Blocks)
YES!!! First card in the pack, first subset card for me to ridicule!

"Yo, `G!' You're a player. Missed some games in '96 but still named to the All-Star team. This kid's got game! The M's traded the Big Unit for you and your phat skills, and you stroked .333 in Seattle in '98. We can see why they want you in the family. Show Seattle what'cha got, 'Los. Word!"

Travis Lee (MLPD)
OMG!!!! Another subset card!!!!

"Mr. Lee, we believe da hype. Mr. Lee, you knew we'd be watching. `Mr. Lumber Machine,' takin' your place in the middle of the brand-new Diamondbacks' order as a rook, no doubt. We believe, 'cause we know you're a former U.S. Olympian who hit better than .330 last year in the minors. What did you do?? Go 3-for-4 in your MLB debut while clubbing Arizona's first-ever DING-er. History, Baby!"

Troy Glaus (BB)
Holy Shit! Three-for-three on the subsets!!!

IT'S BAD SUBSET MOJO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"So much for easin' your way in. You dipped your toes in `The Show' and had a shark of a pennant race pull you into the deep end. (ed. note: WTF does that supposed to mean?) Wow, you scorched training camp pitching to the tune of .423 in '98. That's large, like you. Maybe those Ripken comparisons aren't so wack after all."

Mickey Morandini
Out first actual player card -- and of a 1993 Phillie, no less. Unfortunately, he's pictured as a Cub. (I forgot that the Phightin's traded him to Chicago for Doug Glanville.)

Barry Bonds (Caught on the Fly)
Another awful '99 Skybox Metal Universe subset card! That's, like, four in one pack! My God, this has got to be the greatest pack of baseball cards ever!

BARRY-MOJO!!!!!!!!!

"If/when B-squared doesn't dail long distance ("Hello, operator, gimmie Jack City"), then he takes his bases on at a time. The oppositions thinks of him as a man of steal, and why not? You-n-Fly know he's super, man. In fact, when he looks at his career `I' chart, his vision comes up a perfect 400/400."

Chili Davis

Is the all-time leader in homers and RBI by a player from Jamaica. Then again, there have only been three Major Leaguers from Jamaica.

Andy Pettitte
Have we forgiven him? You know, for the whole Mitchell Report/Kirk Radomski thing?

Gregg Olson
This is Gregg-with-two-G's, closer and 1989 AL ROY; as opposed to Greg-with-one-G, former Atlanta Brave catcher. Both Olsen's made the 1990 All-Star team. (I wonder what that conversation must have been like!)

Four hilariously funny subset cards and zero Oleruds. Great pack!

1999 Skybox Metal Universe

As part of my continuing series of busting crappy waxboxes, I ripped a retail box of 1999 Metal Universe. I got this box from Pittsburgh Sports Wholesale for $18.95 + shipping in the same deal as '95 Select box I posted here earlier.

Unfortunately, I could only find a retail box. The difference between Hobby and retail is two less cards per pack, four less packs per box, and greater hit rates on the inserts.

Base
Mike Hampton
Did you know? From 2003-05 the Florida Marlins paid Mike $38 million, despite never playing for them.
Jay Buhner
Did you know? The Seattle Mariners once held "Buhner Buzz Cut Night." Any fan with a bald head, on agreed to shave their head, could get into the Kingdome for free.
David Justice
Did you know? When asked to comment on New York Yankee fans David was quote as saying, "They can't get any rougher on us unless they show up with Uzis."
Paul Bako
Did you know? Paul made the last out of the 2003 NLCS.
Sidney Ponson
Did you know? Was made a knight by the Queen of Netherlands.

Insert
Neophytes (1:10) Miguel Tejada
Did you know? Miguel is eight days older than baseball card blogger Chris Harris. (At least this week.)

The 20 for $40 re-wrap: 1999 Skybox Metal Universe

I bought a shitload of wax in '99, but never got around to Metal Universe. There are no RCs, but there are some decent inserts. Unfortunately, the odds of pulling a Planet Metal insert is 1:36; a Diamond Soul, 1:72; and a Linchpins, 1:360.

OBTW, due to satellite issues my new video pack bustin' sidekick Virtual Don West could not be with me to review this pack.

I know, you're heartbroken. As am I, but we're working on it. (I knew that Air Force training would someday come in handy.)



Let's review...

Base:
Charles Johnson
One of a handful of players to have been selected twice in the first round of the draft, Charles was picked by the Expos with the tenth pick overall in the '89 draft, but turned them down to attend "The U" on a baseball scholarship. Three years later, he was then chosen by the Marlins with their first first-round pick in '92. Johnson has the "honor" of being traded to, then released by, the Boston Red Sox on the same day. He ended a respectable career with the Devil Rays in '05.

Known more for his defense, Charles Johnson won four straight Gold Gloves (1995-98), and was an All-Star twice. Although pictured here as a Dodger -- he was sent to LA by the Marlins in the blockbuster Mike Piazza/Gary Sheffield trade -- he was traded again in the off-season to the Orioles, where he would hit .251/16/54 in '99.

Adrian Beltre (Building Blocks)
"Building Blocks" was your run-of-the-mill subset of rookies whose actual RCs were in a previous year's product. (In Beltre's case, 1997 Bowman) In the late-90s Fleer attempted to market/pander their Skybox brands to the "hip-hop" audience, with hilarious results. To fully appreciate this, I present to you, in all it's unintended comedic glory, the reverse side of Adrian Beltre's 1999 Skybox Metal Universe card.

(Before I go any further I should note that in 2001 I toured Fleer's headquarters in Mt. Laurel, New Jersey. After spending nearly two hours at the Fleer office, I did not notice anyone outside the "middle-aged-white-guy/white-gal" demographic who was employed there. Please take this into consideration before reading this gem...)

"Yo, Adrian, 20 years old, filling in for Bobby Bo' at third for the L.A. Dodgers ... not bad. We know that you almost nabbed the '97 FSL Triple Crown and were Mr. MVP. We can see your glove is phat already. But at 20? I guess that's why Zeile's in Texas and Konerko's in Cincy ... your move, Kid."

Ivan Rodriguez
Any pack with Pudge, is automatically a good pack, and 1999 would be his best season. He added to the trophy cabinet with his eighth consecutive All-Star appearance, (seventh consecutive start) his eighth consecutive Gold Glove, and the AL MVP. (Or should it be "Mr. AL MVP?") I don't give a shit if Canseco says he was on the gas, if only for his defense, Pudge is a first-ballot HOFer.

Darin Erstad (Caught on the Fly)
The gimmick behind the COTF subset is that it's "written" in the style of The Sporting News column of the same name. Unlike the Building Block card, I will not subject you to the mangled punctuation and broken English of this one.

Ken Griffey, Jr. (Checklist)
A checklist. Yay.

Matt Williams
Matt Williams was in every Fleer insert set in the mid-to-late-90s -- or so it seemed. So I guess it was inevitable that I pulled a Williams. After an awful '98 season in Arizona (his first with the Snakes), Matt rebounded with a possibly steroid-fueled .303/35/142 season. Matt was selected to his fifth (and final) All-Star game, and finished third in the NL MVP balloting to...

... Chipper Jones
who led the Braves to the NL Pennant with a .315/45/110/25 campaign. In addition to the NL MVP, Chipper won his first of two Silver Sluggers -- but curiously was left off the All-Star team.

Insert:
Neophytes (1:6/packs) Troy Glaus
The Neophytes were the designated "Hot Rookie" insert that were standard in most late-90s products. Just like the Building Blocks, the backs are written in "Mount Laurel Ebonics."

"Anaheim's Angel at the hot corner. Your future's so bright, it's hurtin' our eyes! We just hope the bosses know they have a future star on their hands. Keep their heads ringin', Troy, and we know the sky's the limit for this Angel in the infield. True that! True that!"

I believe that sometime around '97, even white people in Nebraska stopped saying "True That." Anyway, most of the fifteen players in this insert were also included in the Building Blocks subset mentioned earlier. In fact, looking at the checklist, with Beltre, Kerry Wood, and "That J.D. Guy," Glaus may be the best pull.

All-in-all, not a bad pack. I'm kind of mad at myself for not busting any '99 Skybox Metal Universe until now. I think I need to find a box of this stuff.