Saturday, January 31, 2009

Pack Prognosticator: Super Bowl XLIII

Tomorrow is the Super Bowl, so I thought I'd open a really old pack of football cards, sort of as a prediction as to who will win the game. There's been a pack of 1991 Score Series I lying around my house for the better part of two years. I can't really bear to let is sit for another season, so today's the day.

The Rules:
Since this will determine the winner outright, we have to lay some ground rules.
1. Any Cardinal or Steeler is worth 5 points to that team.
2. Any card of a team the Cardinals or the Steelers beat during the regular season is worth 3 points to that team.
3. Any card of a team the Cardinals or Steelers beat during the post-season is worth 4 points to that team.
4. Any card of a team the Cardinals or Steelers lost to during the regular season costs that team a -2 penalty.

I'd say that these are pretty even odds. The Cardinals lost more games this year, but they played one more playoff game than Pittsburgh. Plus the Ravens didn't exist in 1991. Then again, the Panthers didn't either. (On a related note, I'm calling it that teams who moved but kept their name, such as the Rams, will count, but teams who changed their name, like the Oilers/Titans, will not.)

Let's tear in.

Top to Bottom:
267 Leo Goeas - Chargers (+7 to Steelers via one reg. win and one playoff win; Steelers 7: Cardinals 0)
273 Todd Bowles - Redskins (+3 Steelers (W), -2 Cardinals (L); Steelers 10: Cardinals -2. Looks like a good old fashioned ass whupping in the making.)

287 Daniel Stubbs - Cowboys (+3 to both teams for regular season victories; Steelers 13: Cardinals 1)
293 Jeff Bostic - Redskins (Another dagger to the Cards, +3 Steelers, -2 Cardinals; Steelers 16: Cardinals -1)
307 J.B. Brown - Dolphins (+3 to the Cardinals for an early-season victory over Miami; Steelers 16: Cardinals 2)
337 Albert Lewis Dream Team - Chiefs (No change, K.C. played neither team)
105 Anthony Bell - Cardinals (+5 to the underdogs; Steelers 16: Cardinals 7)

10 Gerald McNeil - Oilers (No change, defunct in Houston.)
15 Emmitt Smith - Cowboys (+3 to both again; Steelers 19: Cardinals 10)

30 Tim Harris - Packers (No change, neither team dared face this 6-10 juggernaut)
35 Eugene Lockhart - Cowboys (+3 to both; Steelers 22: Cardinals 10)
115 Anthony Munoz - Bengals (+6 to Pittsburgh for two regular season wins. I don't think the Cardinals can recover from that knockout blow. Steelers 28: Cardinals 10)
130 Bart Oates - Giants (-2 to Arizona, though I'm tempted to give both teams 400 points because of the love Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force has for this man; Steelers 28: Cardinals 8)

135 Joey Browner - Vikings (Another team the Cardinals lost to, so -2; Steelers 28: Cardinals 6)
150 Erik McMillan - Jets (The slide continues with another two-point penalty to AZ; Steelers 28: Cardinals 4)
155 Robert Delpino - Rams (The Cardinals salvage some pride with the last card, having beat the Rams twice this season; Final Score - Steelers 28: Cardinals 10)

I'm surprised how well that turned out looking like an actual football score. I was worried for a second that the Cardinals were going to have to pull off two safeties in a losing effort. Have fun watching the game, everybody. And don't forget to bet on Pittsburgh to cover and go with the under. You can all thank me later.

"That pack was totally kick-ass! Reminded me of the time I saw Whitesnake at the Meadowlands in '89!"


Ben said...

The Giants logo on the Bart Oates card makes me want a Snickers.

dayf said...

All we need is Carl wearing his Gnats jersey and the pack is perfect.

Jeffrey Wolfe said...

I remember how cool I thought this set was when it came out. The photography and design still looks good to me.