1992 Confex Baseball Enquirer

Now that I've plowed through the loose packs (okay, so 'loose' is a poor description for packs that are fused to cardboard) of my repack box, we move on to the 100-card Mystery Box within the box. What lies within is a stack of cards and...two more packs! The first is this 10-card pack of The Baseball Enquirer. The cover boys are Wade Boggs, Tommy Lasorda, and Kirby Puckett. The humor on these cards is hit-or-miss, but some of them are cruelly funny. Poking at the personal shortcomings of athletes is an everyday occurrence in today's age of blogs, so if you think about it, this set was fifteen years ahead of its time. I'll be summarizing the "interviews" on the card backs for you, so let's rock and roll.

57 Rob Dibble - Essentially, Dibs is a hotheaded jerk who throws smoke at batters' heads and once hurled a ball indiscriminately into the stands. He hit a schoolteacher in the chest. Yes, really.

1 Bo Jackson - Lampooning the "Bo Knows" ad campaign and his legendary 1990 Score card, the interview suggests that Bo is switching to bowling and possibly golf.

29 Ozzie Smith - For the purposes of this card, the Wizard of Oz has broken his neck during one of his trademark backflips.

37 Lenny Dykstra - Oh man, this one is a low blow, using lots of thinly veiled metaphors to poke fun at Dykstra's drunken car crash following John Kruk's bachelor party.

21 Dave Stewart - Cheap shots at Stew's high-pitched voice never go out of style...as long as you don't have to step into the batters' box and face him. (I found another entertaining, highly inappropriate video that I will not post here. Search YouTube for "Dave Stewart Anaconda" if you must.)

45 Wade Boggs - Ho-hum. Something about his chicken-eating superstition.

13 Gregg Jefferies - Another pretty cruel one, lampooning the open letter than Jefferies wrote to Mets fans and teammates defending himself against their criticisms. The illustration is my favorite in this pack.

53 Danny Gladden - You might be hard-pressed to make Danny Gladden funny. The folks who put together this set sure were. They suggest that the loud atmosphere at the Metrodome during the 1991 World Series caused him to go deaf.

5 David Justice - Man, this one's lame as well. There's some back and forth about the racism of the Braves nickname, logo, and tomahawk chop. Then David suggests that a Japanese restaurant chain is buying the Braves and renaming them the Sushis. I can't even go on.

61 Albert Belle - Another guy who threw balls into the stands. They point out that he was demoted to the minors after the stunt (and as a result of not hustling), but recalled shortly thereafter because the offense had suffered without him. As time would show, this ham-handed attempt at discipline did little to set Albert straight.

1992 Baseball Enquirer

I can't exactly play Sox Or No Sox with this pack. Mostly because there are no team names. You can pretty much figure out who is who, but no logos or mention of specific names are here.

These cards baffled me for a long time. I had a few in my collection, but had absolutely no idea how they got there. Even now, looking at the package, I can't ever remember buying a pack of these. Since there are 10 mystery interview cards per pack, I would be well short of that. The few that I've had for awhile, I have doubles of, so I have no clue.

I'm guessing these were put out for kids. If they weren't, I can't imagine the audience for them. There are cartoons of famous baseball personalities with a fake interview on the back of the card.

I want to thank Patricia and Lucy from Dinged Corners, who donated this pack. It has been put to good use!

Enough talk, on with the pack opening!

10 - Will Clark
Will must be considered boring. He keeps saying nothing except "Okay" in his interview and has the phrase "Ho Hum" on his cap.

58 - Deion Sanders
Deion has a "No Bo" logo on his cap. He calls the interviewer a "sucker" and a "chump". Who does he think he is, Clubber Lang?

2 - Jose Canseco
Jose does nothing but cry on his card. There are no words, just sobbing. Fake cards can be cruel.

32 - George Bell
The interviewer questions George's questionable defense. George even has an E-7 on his cap. And when his bat went away the next year, so did he.

40 - Nolan Ryan
Nolan calls the interviewer's suggestion that he takes special pills to keep his arm fresh "madville". Do people even talk like that? The special pill part was a bit scary considering everything in the media today. He also claims that Nolan comes from another planet and had a surgical implant. Crazy. I love the rocking chair on Nolan's cap.

24 - Jack Morris
It seems that Jack is labeled as being slow on the mound. Jack has Zzz's on his cap. And for some reason is pictured naked with a towel slung over his shoulder.

48 - Pete Rose
Pete's betting? Oh no! Cracks about appearance fees. Cute. I wonder why he's pictured trying to autograph a penny loafer wearing a wife-beater.

16 - Blank
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Notice: The content of this card has been blacked out in your area. Regular viewing has been pre-empted by pay-for-view subscribers.

56 - Darryl Strawberry
Apparently, Darryl puts his foot in his mouth. A lot. The open mouth on his cap remind me of the Morton Downey Jr. Show.

8 - Cecil Fielder
Fat jokes. Overeating jokes. Buffet tables in the dugout jokes. Weight jokes. Ugh. Love the half eaten chicken leg on his cap.

That was kind of fun! It certainly was different. I liked the fact that I only had one of these cards in my collection. It's a nice break from all the 2008 Topps Heritage stuff on my end.

Thanks Patricia and Lucy!