2008 Topps Co-Signers Baseball

This is the pack readers at Thorzul Will Rule voted against last week. It's the Gore/Kerry ticket of packs. Let's call it An Inconvenient Pack.

Let's tear in.

Top to Bottom:
093 Pedro Martinez

041 Andre Ethier

059 Justin Upton Orange Parallel (190/300)

Redemption Card Carlos Marmol/Geovany Soto Co-Signers Autograph

082 Carlos Zambrano
016 Joe Mauer

I'm not sure what I did to deserve such punishment. Perhaps it stems from the winter when I hit my little brother in the face with an ice ball. Maybe it's retribution for all of the cheating that took place on middle school social studies tests. In any case, I consider this pack my penance. First you've got Joe "Citizen Douchebag" Mauer, a guy who couldn't take my heckling the last time he came to town and actually broke down and started crying in the batters box. (Well...) Then there's top-rated A-hole Zambrano, a guy who lacks personal self-control to the point where he will fistfight his own teammates in the middle of a game. And finally, there's the redemption card. Only in my world would this be considered punishment. While it might be on morally shaky ground to hope for players on an opposing team to get hurt, perhaps I could find a loophole around this by praying that some of the players who currently ride the bench for the Cubs get the chance at big league action they so richly deserve.

And by the way, what is up with the numbering system on these? Do we really need the zero as the hundreds place holder?

2005 Donruss Playoff Absolute Baseball

Since "A Pack a Day" is such a better title for this blog than "A Pack Every Once in a While," something new needs to be opened. I'll take on the responsibility for manually resuscitating APAD. I'll even go so far as to rip open a pack from a set that always lets me down.

Let's tear in.

Top to Bottom:
62 Alex Rodriguez

20 Carlos Delgado

91 Aramis Ramirez Blue Foil Parallel (No scan here because of my strict no-Cubs policy. Except for Ed Lynch, that is.)
79 Curt Schilling

36 Ichiro

Finally, some good players from this set. And I didn't have to reach back for a 1987 Darryl Motley reference.

Fairfield Guaranteed Memorabilia Pack

As being a part of this blog has already made me do on earlier occasions, I found myself buying something I normally wouldn't buy for the sake of ripping it open and posting it here. And as a sane, rational human being, I realize that what I would most likely pull from a Target Fairfield box like this won't be that great. Take the box cover for instance:

Looks to me like I've got a chance of pulling a game-used Mantle, a Jose Reyes autograph, a game-used David Wright, or a Jackie Robinson swatch.

Let's tear in.

Hmmm, looks like I get to open a little more stuff. The memorabilia card is in an envelope, and I got a pack each of 2004 and 2005 Topps baseball, both series 2.

Let's not eff around here...I'm going for the good stuff first.

But before we get any further, I need to point out my realization that, if cropped effectively, the skin of my hand can be made to look positively pornorific.

Oh. Great. Sammy Sosa.
I'll try to contain my excitement

Why? Why a stinking, dirty Cub? And a cheater at that? Why did I get a card with a built-in glue stain?
For those of you counting at home, this is a 2003 Fleer Platinum Scouting Report, #030/250.

How come it doesn't say, "Uses steroids" underneath attributes? This thing will be on eBay within a matter of hours, unless someone wants to offer something better in trade.

Oh, and here's the other packs.
2004
439 Darrell May
697 Bengie Molina Gold Glove Award
409 Paul Wilson
686 Ryan Wagner Draft Pick
394 Chris Woodward

2005
569 Willie Harris
663 Mariners Team
BB101 Barry Bonds Home Run History #101
552 Jeff Cirillo
652 Dodgers Team
692 Dodgers Prospects Chad Billingsley/Joel Guzman

Don't buy these things, people.

2005 Donruss Baseball

This pack of 2005 Donruss reminds me of Hurricane Katrina. Are you kidding? Am I out of my mind? The jury's still out on that, but here's how I made the connection:

Perhaps you heard about the news story of truckloads of ice bound for New Orleans that got diverted along the way because of storage concerns. The federal government spent, by one estimate, $12.5 million keeping ice cold in states like Maine, ice that eventually had to be destroyed because officials were unsure whether it was still safe for human consumption.

This anecdote popped in my head because of the price sticker on this pack. This was actually another Target discount pack, although the sticker indicates it once had a home at a Circle K, none of which are even close to where I purchased the pack in Wisconsin. In fact, going to the Circle K website I was unable to locate a franchise within 20 miles, the largest search area available. "So," I wondered, "where did this pack come from?" How many 18-wheelers did it sit upon before reaching my little red basket? How much did Target pay for all of these loose packs? Can I get in on this, or do I lack the purchasing power of a major chain retailer? Were these packs, like the Katrina ice, ever in danger of being destroyed? Is there a landfill somewhere in New Mexico where thousands of unsold packs are buried, just like there's a landfill housing thousands of unsold Atari 2600 E.T. cartridges? If such a place exists, I propose a week-long expedition in the summer of 2008 with Ben Henry, dayf, and Chris Harris. I'll bring the pickaxes.

A man can dream.

Let's tear in.

Top to Bottom:
254 Al Leiter
169 Jason Jennings

270 Esteban Loazia
129 Aramis Ramirez
347 Chad Gaudin
102 Rafael Furcal
LL-1 Adam Dunn Longball Leaders (#0062/1500)

203 Chris Burke (Wasn't that the name of the actor who played Corky on that show "Life Goes On"?
250 Livan Hernandez (A batting pitcher card, where Livan looks as awkward as an orangutan with an electric beard trimmer.)
136 Matt Clement
280 Mike Mussina

Grade: B-
I like getting the Dunn insert. This guy is a pure slugger, and I'd love to see him in left field for the Brewers. When I visited Cincinnati this summer, there was a Reds fan, clearly from the southern side of the Ohio River, who tried in vain all game to get the attention of "Big Donk." Aren't you supposed to harass the outfielders of the opposing team when you've had too much to drink.

Oh, and I need to show the eerie graphic similarity between two cards here.

Now, normally I avoid posting any Cubs, because it's a complete waste of disc space and because...well...I hate them. And their obnoxious "fans". But the Ramirez and Clement cards were too strange to pass up. To me, it looks like something very theatrical and important is going on, like they're reciting Shakespeare or something. Since most baseball players, however, have the personality and matching acting abilities of head cheese, I determined that Hamlet wasn't what was going on here. No, they actually look more like they're unveiling something with dramatic aplomb. I'm thinking it's a large banner declaring the everlasting ineptitude of the franchise. TA-DAAAAA! Seems appropriate.

Last add: Go and vote in the 1981 Topps Showdown CHAMPIONSHIP FI NAL at Thorzul Will Rule.

2006 Fleer Tradition Baseball

Not sure exactly how I'm going to go about busting this repack box. I've thought about going in some sort of chronological order, maybe starting with the most recent and traveling back in time, but what will most likely happen will be a random, haphazard choice of packs.

Pack Wrapper: Ken Griffey, Jr. I can't tell you how sick of the Cincinnati Reds I am. This season I saw the Reds play at least four times in three different cities. I saw them lost to the Diamondbacks in April in Arizona, followed by a trip to Cincinnati in July and home games in Milwaukee toward the end of the summer, all of which were Brewer losses. To top it all off, there's some douchebag, out-of-focus Cub in the background. How can you tell from this wrapper that this game is not taking place at Wrigley Field? No, it's not because of the uniforms, although that might be your second hint. Actually, it's because the fans in the stands are actually watching the game. Am I bitter? Yes, but I look forward to relishing every moment of the playoff beating the Cubs will inevitably take.

Let's tear in.

Top to Bottom:

38 Bengie Molina
3 John Smoltz
15 Bartolo Colon
146 Ian Kinsler (RC)
104 Carlos Beltran
182 Joe Nathan

181 Torii Hunter (Looking ready to steal, though clearly not factoring in the wind resistance his gloves will undoubtedly cause.)
139 John Van Benschoten (RC)
175 Chris Shelton
123 Khalil Greene (B&W Parallel)

I have to say I like the look of this set. In some ways it reminds me of a Topps football set from the '80s, not one in particular, but an amalgam of several different years. You gotta love a set that has the balls to use purple graphics on a non-Rockies card. Plus, there are team caps in the lower left-hand corner, reminiscent of 1981 Topps baseball. (Click here for more on this set at Thorzul Will Rule.)