The playoffs kick off today on TBS, so I thought I'd get a couple of packs and face them off in a one-game pack playoff.
Rules: 9 inning game. Each card (and the wrappers) face off as they are pulled from the pack. 1 point an inning for the first 8 innings. The 9th inning is a matchup of the insert or SP from the pack and is worth a total of 3 points. No Insert or SP, tough luck for that pack. All decisions are completely arbitrary and cannot be reversed. If you don't like it, then vote in the comments. Each vote for a pack adds one point to its total. If anyone is interested in this silliness, I'll do another round in the future with the winner of this matchup. Now Play Ball!
Inning 1: Wrappers - A-Rod vs. Jeter
Turkey Red's wrapper mimics a vintage tobacco trade card advertisement, while Goudey looks like someone went crazy with MSPaint for Commodore 64. Goudey is the rare pack that has a picture of an
actual card on the wrapper, so it wins this round.
Turkey Red - 0 Goudey - 1
Inning 2: No 72 Chris Carpenter vs. No. 78 Miguel Tejada
Cy vs. MVP. Carpenter's Perez painting looks great, but Tommy John surgery wrecked his season this year. Miggy hit the DL as well with a broken hand and had an off year due to the injury. The background on Tejada's card is one of the more boring in the Goudey set, so I'll give the nod to Carpenter.
Turkey Red - 1 Goudey - 1Inning 3: No 133 Jason Bay vs. No. 128 Chien-Ming Wang
Jason Bay
is the Pirates, even though he had an off year. Chien-Ming Wang is merely the Yankees' starting rotation. Wang is starting game one of the Division series versus CC Sabathia while Bay counts his days until unrestricted free agency. Sorry Jason, they could have finished last without you.
Turkey Red - 1 Goudey - 2Inning 4: No 102 Elijah Dukes RC vs. No. 152 Adam LaRoche
When Adam LaRoche flakes out, he forgets to cover first. When Elijah Dukes flakes out, he threatens to kill people. I - uh, I... I don't want any trouble here...
Turkey Red - 2 Goudey - 2Inning 5: No 76 Nick Markakis vs. No. 25 Chad Cordero
Nick Markakis is a hell of a ballplayer and is going to have a great career in Baltimore. Chad Cordero is Charlie Brown. Just look at that hat. Charlie Brown changed his name, took a scholarship to Cal State-Fullerton, got drafted by the Expos and is now a Major League closer. Meanwhile Lucy van Pelt is a real estate agent in Petaluma, CA and wondering why no one will try to kick her football anymore.
Turkey Red - 2 Goudey - 3Inning 6: No 113 Randy Johnson vs. No. 39 Felix Hernandez
Man, this one's tough. Big Unit vs. King Felix. Hall of Famer at the end of his career vs. a phenom at the beginning. Felix had a much better year, but Randy has been on
The Simpsons.
Turkey Red - 3 Goudey - 3Inning 7: No 148 Joe Nathan vs. No. 110 Ray Durham
I refuse to acknowledge Ray Durham in anything other than a White Sox uniform. That's not Ray, that's Jose Uribe pulling off the most audacious case of identity theft ever.
Speaking of theft. Joe Nathan
and Francisco Liriano
and Boof Bonser for AJ Pierzynski and cash. That better have been a
LOT of cash. I'm talking gross domestic product of Bolivia cash.
Turkey Red - 4 Goudey - 3
Inning 8: No 28 Alejandro De Aza RC vs. No. 134 Michael Cuddyer
So, Twins fans, was 2007 an off year for Cuddyer, or was 2006 a career year? Baseball-reference.com states his numbers are most similar to
Herb Perry. I think that answers my question. De Aza's nothing special, but he did get get an RBI single off Glavine in the Mets' first inning nightmare the last day of the season.
Turkey Red - 5 Goudey - 3Top of the Ninth: No TRP24 Grover Cleveland
I suppose I could have done worse, Cleveland was actually not that bad of a president compared to some of the other stinkeroos of his era. Unfortunately this card is from his second term which was a dud. A word of advice to all you kids out there with dreams of being the leader of the free world: Never get elected President right before a Depression hits. It's bad for your career. Cleveland would have been better off sticking to just one term, or better yet, he should have
cheated more than Harrison. No points for Turkey Red.
Turkey Red - 5 Goudey - 3
Bottom of the Ninth: No 208 Yogi Berra SP
YOGI!!! This isn't fair, the only President who could even pull off a tie with Yogi would be Teddy Roosevelt. I hate to admit it, but if I keep pulling these awesome SPs out of Goudey I'm going to have to try to complete this set. Yogi hits a walk-off three run homer to win it for Goudey.
Final Score: Turkey Red - 5 Goudey - 6Think I'm out of my mind? Think Turkey Red was robbed by a bad call? Vote!
32 Rocco Baldelli
Yep, this is the first pack of this I've gotten although I think I have one or two of the shiny foil Hobby version. I can't imagine why I passed this up in 2005. Not a good sign when you lead off with two Devil Rays. I had no clue Hideo played for the Rays. How did that happen? Bay and Sexson are both good players, but they suuuuuuucked last year. Sexson is a meaningless blue parallel (ie: the foil is blue instead of gold, whoopie) making his card that much more blah. Thank goodness for Roy Oswalt who saves the pack at the end. When you go 14-7 with a 3.18 ERA and that's considered an off year, that means you are a damn good pitcher. Anyone else play the Sluggers.com game? every year I'd get these cards in the Topps I bought in March and I'd go online and play their Fantasy game. I'd set a lineup and then never ever look at it again, at least until next year when I got new sluggers cards. For all I know I've won three trips to the All Star Game by now.
The Falcons are playing the Saints tonight, so here's a football pack I dug out of the archives for your amusement. Lord knows the actual game isn't amusing, unless you enjoy watching a horrific slaughter. For those who missed the game, here's a highlight. It's so bad I've actually turned off the game. Let's get away from sports for a while and turn on the nightly news... OHGODAMMIT. No more TV for me today. TV rots your brain anyway. Let's open a pack instead.
This is a typical Donruss product, nice looking but you only get 5 cards for 3 bucks. Pretty good if you get a decent hit, but otherwise not really worth it. I got a Reggie Bush Draft pick insert, which is nice because the one-a-pack rookie features a player who is currently on the Bengals practice squad. The card has a nice photo of Skyler in his LSU jersey and his web site is pretty cool so it's not that bad a pull considering. The vets in the pack aren't all that spectacular, Zach Thomas is probably the best out of the three. The Roy Williams is the Cowboy safety, not the Lions reciever. As for Muhammad, one great year for Carolina does not a star make. It might help if he had a QB in Chicago, but that's not my problem. Reggie is the lone card saving the pack and he's out for the season. I would have been been better off spending three bucks on some antacid instead. At least the internet will never disappoint me.
Cy vs. MVP. Carpenter's Perez painting looks great, but Tommy John surgery wrecked his season this year. Miggy hit the DL as well with a broken hand and had an off year due to the injury. The background on Tejada's card is one of the more boring in the Goudey set, so I'll give the nod to Carpenter.
Jason Bay is the Pirates, even though he had an off year. Chien-Ming Wang is merely the Yankees' starting rotation. Wang is starting game one of the Division series versus CC Sabathia while Bay counts his days until unrestricted free agency. Sorry Jason, they could have finished last without you.
When Adam LaRoche flakes out, he forgets to cover first. When Elijah Dukes flakes out, he threatens to kill people. I - uh, I... I don't want any trouble here...
Nick Markakis is a hell of a ballplayer and is going to have a great career in Baltimore. Chad Cordero is Charlie Brown. Just look at that hat. Charlie Brown changed his name, took a scholarship to Cal State-Fullerton, got drafted by the Expos and is now a Major League closer. Meanwhile Lucy van Pelt is a real estate agent in Petaluma, CA and wondering why no one will try to kick her football anymore.
Man, this one's tough. Big Unit vs. King Felix. Hall of Famer at the end of his career vs. a phenom at the beginning. Felix had a much better year, but Randy has been on The Simpsons.
I refuse to acknowledge Ray Durham in anything other than a White Sox uniform. That's not Ray, that's Jose Uribe pulling off the most audacious case of identity theft ever. Speaking of theft. Joe Nathan and Francisco Liriano and Boof Bonser for AJ Pierzynski and cash. That better have been a LOT of cash. I'm talking gross domestic product of Bolivia cash.
I suppose I could have done worse, Cleveland was actually not that bad of a president compared to some of the other stinkeroos of his era. Unfortunately this card is from his second term which was a dud. A word of advice to all you kids out there with dreams of being the leader of the free world: Never get elected President right before a Depression hits. It's bad for your career. Cleveland would have been better off sticking to just one term, or better yet, he should have cheated more than Harrison. No points for Turkey Red.
YOGI!!! This isn't fair, the only President who could even pull off a tie with Yogi would be Teddy Roosevelt. I hate to admit it, but if I keep pulling these awesome SPs out of Goudey I'm going to have to try to complete this set. Yogi hits a walk-off three run homer to win it for Goudey.
