Pack Prognosticator: Super Bowl XLIII

Tomorrow is the Super Bowl, so I thought I'd open a really old pack of football cards, sort of as a prediction as to who will win the game. There's been a pack of 1991 Score Series I lying around my house for the better part of two years. I can't really bear to let is sit for another season, so today's the day.

The Rules:
Since this will determine the winner outright, we have to lay some ground rules.
1. Any Cardinal or Steeler is worth 5 points to that team.
2. Any card of a team the Cardinals or the Steelers beat during the regular season is worth 3 points to that team.
3. Any card of a team the Cardinals or Steelers beat during the post-season is worth 4 points to that team.
4. Any card of a team the Cardinals or Steelers lost to during the regular season costs that team a -2 penalty.

I'd say that these are pretty even odds. The Cardinals lost more games this year, but they played one more playoff game than Pittsburgh. Plus the Ravens didn't exist in 1991. Then again, the Panthers didn't either. (On a related note, I'm calling it that teams who moved but kept their name, such as the Rams, will count, but teams who changed their name, like the Oilers/Titans, will not.)

Let's tear in.

Top to Bottom:
267 Leo Goeas - Chargers (+7 to Steelers via one reg. win and one playoff win; Steelers 7: Cardinals 0)
273 Todd Bowles - Redskins (+3 Steelers (W), -2 Cardinals (L); Steelers 10: Cardinals -2. Looks like a good old fashioned ass whupping in the making.)

287 Daniel Stubbs - Cowboys (+3 to both teams for regular season victories; Steelers 13: Cardinals 1)
293 Jeff Bostic - Redskins (Another dagger to the Cards, +3 Steelers, -2 Cardinals; Steelers 16: Cardinals -1)
307 J.B. Brown - Dolphins (+3 to the Cardinals for an early-season victory over Miami; Steelers 16: Cardinals 2)
337 Albert Lewis Dream Team - Chiefs (No change, K.C. played neither team)
105 Anthony Bell - Cardinals (+5 to the underdogs; Steelers 16: Cardinals 7)

10 Gerald McNeil - Oilers (No change, defunct in Houston.)
15 Emmitt Smith - Cowboys (+3 to both again; Steelers 19: Cardinals 10)

30 Tim Harris - Packers (No change, neither team dared face this 6-10 juggernaut)
35 Eugene Lockhart - Cowboys (+3 to both; Steelers 22: Cardinals 10)
115 Anthony Munoz - Bengals (+6 to Pittsburgh for two regular season wins. I don't think the Cardinals can recover from that knockout blow. Steelers 28: Cardinals 10)
130 Bart Oates - Giants (-2 to Arizona, though I'm tempted to give both teams 400 points because of the love Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force has for this man; Steelers 28: Cardinals 8)

135 Joey Browner - Vikings (Another team the Cardinals lost to, so -2; Steelers 28: Cardinals 6)
150 Erik McMillan - Jets (The slide continues with another two-point penalty to AZ; Steelers 28: Cardinals 4)
155 Robert Delpino - Rams (The Cardinals salvage some pride with the last card, having beat the Rams twice this season; Final Score - Steelers 28: Cardinals 10)

I'm surprised how well that turned out looking like an actual football score. I was worried for a second that the Cardinals were going to have to pull off two safeties in a losing effort. Have fun watching the game, everybody. And don't forget to bet on Pittsburgh to cover and go with the under. You can all thank me later.

"That pack was totally kick-ass! Reminded me of the time I saw Whitesnake at the Meadowlands in '89!"

Super Bowl Prediction: 1988 Topps vs. 1991 Upper Deck

Yeah! Super Bowl Sunday! Beer! Food! 47 hours of pregame shows! Commercials! Inveterate gambling! Who has time for a game? Not me, I need to start the chili and get the TiVo ready in case Tom Petty has a 'wardrobe malfunction'. I don't want to be worried about some meaningless game people will forget all about next week. In this weeks convoluted excuse to rip copious amounts of wax, I'm going all Nostradamus on ya and divining the final score of the game using cards. Not Tarot cards, football cards. The Patriots will be represented by the Evil Empire, Upper Deck while the Wild Card Giants get old Topps packs. I'll crack open one pack per team per quarter and work out the scores through the stars and inserts pulled. It's real scientific so if you want to bet your house on it or something go ahead, it's a lock. First Quarter: 1988 Topps vs. 1991 Upper Deck.

1988 Topps
259 Dallas Cowboys
119 Albert Bentley
364 Paul Palmer
374 Garry James
15 Steve Cox
284 Harry Carson - Giants
363 Christian Okoye RC
307 Mickey Schuler
1000 yard club 27 Marcus Allen
192 Lorenzo Hampton
10 Kelvin Bryant
299 Nolan Cromwell
209 Kellen Winslow
2 Vencie Glenn Record Breaker
389 Major Everett
52 Charles Haley

A card featuring Herschel Walker right off the bat, not bad. There is one Giant in the pack, Harry Carson. He's a Hall of Famer to boot and worth a touchdown for the Giants.The Christian Okoye rookie is pretty sweet as is the Marcus Allen 1000 yard club insert. Kellen Winslow and Charles Haley ain't shabby either. I can't quite give the Giants another TD for them though, but this pack is worth a touchdown and a field goal.


1991 Upper Deck
299 Curtis Duncan
429 Steve Wisniewski
370 Pat Leahy
234 Renaldo Turnbull
185 Stephen Baker
14 Rob Carpenter Star Rookie
292 Willie Gault
426 Jack Del Rio
399 Mark Murphy
243 Felix Wright
125 Dexter Carter
39 John Gesek
GB1 Barry Sanders Game Breaker

No Patriots in the pack, which quite frankly isn't very good other than the Barry insert. Jack Del Rio is the big name in the pack, ugh. Not a great rookie card either. The photography is heads and shoulders above Topps though. The colors are bright and and the action shots on the front and back of the cards are actually interesting. There's no comparison to the mug shots on the Topps cards, the only ones that come close are the Allen insert and Herschel evading a runner.My favorite pic is actually a mugshot. Mark Murphy looks like a mutant contemplating the best way to eat your brains. Dexter Carter's levitation trick on the back of his card is a close second. I can't award any points for the base cards in this pack, but The Hologram insert of Barry Sanders is an automatic touchdown.

First Quarter: Giants 10, Patriots 7

Super Bowl Prediction: 1987 Topps vs. 1995 Uxxxx Dxxx

Second Quarter. Giants have a field goal lead and a pack of 1987 Topps. The Patriots adjust after falling behind and counter with a pack of 1995 Upper Deck.


1987 Topps
293 Donnie Shell gum damaged
246 Doug Betters
112 Joe Montana
383 Tampa Bay Buccaneers
347 Leslie O'Neil RC
204 Steve Jordan
129 Freeman McNeil
1000 yard club 15 Bill Brooks
28 Pepper Johnson
32 Gerald Willhite
38 Rulon Jones
137 Marty Lyons
131 Al Toon
55 William Perry
96 New England Patriots

Joe Montana is an automatic Hail Mary bomb from Eli to Plaxico for 7. It's a shame Topps chose Joe having a drink and bullshitting on the phone for the photo on this card. Donnie Shell is also on the phone on his card. Get off the phone, you're playing football! If I may be so bold, I'd like to say the photography is crap. That is all except for Refrigerator Perry. That's one of the best cards of all time. Field goal for Fridge. The Giants have another card in this pack, Pepper Johnson. Pepper is actually a coach for the Patriots now, so I can't give him a touchdown. A field goal will work. The Leslie O'Neil rookie and Bill Brooks insert don't do too much for me. This pack would be a total disaster for the Patriots if they didn't make their presence known with a team card in the last card of the pack. That nullifies one of the field goals. Ten more points for the Giants' offense.


1995 Upper Deck
253 Junior Seau Electric Diamond
255 Garrison Hearst Electric Diamond
271 Bernie Parmalee242 Jim Harbaugh
240 Deion Sanders
134 Dan Wilkinson
102 Roosevelt Potts
18 Rashaan Salaam star rookie
32 Calvin Williams
59 Randal Hill

Junior Seau is a) a star b) is a current Patriot and c) hilariously just murdered Drew Bledsoe on the card, so this earns a TD for the Pats. Two more favorites of mine earn the Pats a field goal, Bulldog Garrison Heart and Deion Sanders. Seeing Deion in that Niners uniform makes me very sad. The rest of the pack is lackluster and I'm probably overrating the pack to be honest. Just four years removed from the brilliant looking '91 set the photos are starting to look dark and grainy. The Salaam rookie should probably cost the Patriots a touchdown just by himself, but that's now how the game works.

Score at the half: Giants 20 Patriots 17

Super Bowl Prediction: 1991 Topps vs. 1991 Upper Deck series two

A nice close game at halftime, just like the advertisers like it. The Giants pull out the 1991 playbook, while the Patriots go back to their first quarter strategy with a high series pack. Can Bellichick find the Namath?

1991 Upper Deck series two
240 Keith Millard
221 Harold Green
207 Eddie Brown
280 Mark Rypien
128 Albert Lewis
GB1 Barry Sanders Game Breaker
641 Kelvin Pritchett
535 Bill Fralic
485 Floyd Dixon
330 Chris Doleman
216 Leo Goeas
139 Derrick Fenner
91 Green Bay Packers

What are the freakin' odds of pulling two Barry Sanders Game Breaker cards from two different packs from two different boxes from two different series?? Touchdown for the Pats and it looks like the Giants don't make any adjustments at all during halftime. Too busy watching Tom Petty I guess. This set is a guilty pleasure of mine, there is literally nothing worth a damn in this pack but I love it anyway. The design is awesome, the colors are bright and the photos are great. Harold Green breaks a Ram tackle on one side of his card and leaps over another Ram on the back. Eddie Brown and Albert Lewis both have that "oh shit" look right before they get clobbered by a defender. Floyd Dixon shows what it looks like right after getting clobbered. Derrick Fenner leaps over a Patriot defender. Chris Doleman wraps up Ottis Anderson of the Giants. These cards are worth bupkiss, but I like 'em. They're fun. I wish a new set was half this fun. Three more points for the Pats for having three Falcons back to back to back. Doleman was eventually a Falcon so he counts. Plus there's the classic MAJIK card. Gotta love that.

1991 Topps
384 Gary Zimmerman
648 Philadelphia Eagles
501 Broderick Thomas
22 Pepper Johnson
330 Hoby Brenner
637 Houston Oilers
120 Mark Duper
109 Jarvis Williams
16 Lawrence Taylor
1000 yard club 1 Jerry Rice
594 Leroy Hoard
300 Thomas Everett
172 Mark Carrier super rookie
74 Bill Romanowski
282 Norm Johnson
69 Tom Rathman

Another loaded pack for the Giants. First card out of the pack is Gary Zimmerman who just got elected to the Hall of Fame. Not one but two Giants in the pack including LT. Touchdown city. Topps must have been feeling the heat from Pro Set and Score by this time because this is a big improvement on their other sets. The photography is a little better, a little clearer and has more action shots instead of players hanging around the sidelines. Leroy Hoard running over the Jets and Randall Cunningham diving for a touchdown against the Giants are two good looking cards. Jerry Rice is the insert card and any Rice is good. Two TD's for the Giants.

End of the third Quarter, Giants 34, Patriots 27

Super Bowl Prediction: 1999 Topps vs. 1996 Collector's Choice

The Patriots are down a touchdown in the fourth quarter and they need to step it up. Bellichick pulls out a curveball, an old pack of Collector's Choice to help out Brady and company. The Giants have their own trick up their sleeves, they abandon the cardboard for a high gloss foil stamped late 90's pack of Topps.

1996 Collector's Choice
100 Charlie Garner
126 Wesley Walls
38 Stantley Pritchett Rookie class
96 Drew Bledsoe
17 Pete Kendall Rookie Class
M12 Emmitt Smith MVP
S7 Morten Anderson sticker
197 Leslie Shepherd
157 Mike Sherrard
247 Phillipi Sparks
217 Chris Calloway
297 Scott Mitchell
300 Tony Bennett
323 Leroy Hoard

This is my favorite Collector's Choice set. It comes pretty close to the '91 set for looks. Plus the pack has 12 cards plus two bonus cards, wheee!The photography is pretty sweet, there's lots of neat shots here. Sparks is leaping for an interception, Calloway's getting mugged by an Eagle, Sherrard has a great "I didn't do it" look on his face and Bennett signs autographs (in full uniform) for the kids in some neighborhood. The Patriots get a Bledsoe card in this pack which is immediately nullified by three straight Giants. Sherrard has a "Signed by Broncos" label though. I have to give a TD to the MVP card of Emmitt and an awesome sticker of Morten. Hell, I'm giving the Patriots a 2-point conversion since the sticker shows holder Dan Strysynski as well.

1999Topps
288 Keenan McCardell
356 Checklist
195 Glyn Milburn
303 Leslie Shepherd
249 James Jett
194 Ted Johnson
341 Donovan McNabb SP RC
306 Terence Mathis
276 Trent Dilfer
299 Robert Brooks
218 John Avery

Donovan McNabb short print rookie! Freakin' Sweet! That's worth two touchdowns at least. The rest of the pack ain't so great. The design is kind of ugly and there's not much in here other than Donovan. Patriots linebacker Ted Johnson looks real mean though, he knocks out one of McNabb's touchdowns. The Giants have one last trick up their sleeve. Terence Mathis is one of my favorite Falcons of all time, plus he went to the Super Bowl the year this set came out. That's worth a last minute field goal to win it for the Gnats. Hey, I calls 'em as I sees 'em and Topps was just better in these pack breaks. So if the cards are correct we'll have a barn burner today with New York giving Boston another complex with a last second field goal. Bet on it! Old crappy wax is never wrong!

FINAL SCORE: Giants 44 Patriots 42

Ted Johnson sez: WE WUZ ROBBED!!!