Wednesday, July 23, 2008

The Dirty Dozen: 1999 Skybox Metal Universe

Here's another pack that I also busted in the 20-for-$40. I'm hoping I pull a subset card or an insert, just so I can post all those ridiculously written card-backs.

Base Set:
Carlos Guillen (Building Blocks)
YES!!! First card in the pack, first subset card for me to ridicule!
"Yo, `G!' You're a player. Missed some games in '96 but still named to the All-Star team. This kid's got game! The M's traded the Big Unit for you and your phat skills, and you stroked .333 in Seattle in '98. We can see why they want you in the family. Show Seattle what'cha got, 'Los. Word!"
Travis Lee (MLPD)
OMG!!!! Another subset card!!!!
"Mr. Lee, we believe da hype. Mr. Lee, you knew we'd be watching. `Mr. Lumber Machine,' takin' your place in the middle of the brand-new Diamondbacks' order as a rook, no doubt. We believe, 'cause we know you're a former U.S. Olympian who hit better than .330 last year in the minors. What did you do?? Go 3-for-4 in your MLB debut while clubbing Arizona's first-ever DING-er. History, Baby!"
Troy Glaus (BB)
Holy Shit! Three-for-three on the subsets!!!

IT'S BAD SUBSET MOJO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"So much for easin' your way in. You dipped your toes in `The Show' and had a shark of a pennant race pull you into the deep end. (ed. note: WTF does that supposed to mean?) Wow, you scorched training camp pitching to the tune of .423 in '98. That's large, like you. Maybe those Ripken comparisons aren't so wack after all."
Mickey Morandini
Out first actual player card -- and of a 1993 Phillie, no less. Unfortunately, he's pictured as a Cub. (I forgot that the Phightin's traded him to Chicago for Doug Glanville.)

Barry Bonds (Caught on the Fly)
Another awful '99 Skybox Metal Universe subset card! That's, like, four in one pack! My God, this has got to be the greatest pack of baseball cards ever!

BARRY-MOJO!!!!!!!!!
"If/when B-squared doesn't dail long distance ("Hello, operator, gimmie Jack City"), then he takes his bases on at a time. The oppositions thinks of him as a man of steal, and why not? You-n-Fly know he's super, man. In fact, when he looks at his career `I' chart, his vision comes up a perfect 400/400."
Chili Davis
Is the all-time leader in homers and RBI by a player from Jamaica. Then again, there have only been three Major Leaguers from Jamaica.

Andy Pettitte
Have we forgiven him? You know, for the whole Mitchell Report/Kirk Radomski thing?

Gregg Olson
This is Gregg-with-two-G's, closer and 1989 AL ROY; as opposed to Greg-with-one-G, former Atlanta Brave catcher. Both Olsen's made the 1990 All-Star team. (I wonder what that conversation must have been like!)

Four hilariously funny subset cards and zero Oleruds. Great pack!

3 comments:

madding said...

I bet you anything an awkward white guy in a cheap business suit wrote the copy for the backs of those subset cards.

Thorzul said...

Or they were written by Herbert Kornfeld.

Chris Harris said...

I had a job interview at Fleer about seven years ago. And yeah, your suspicions of these cardbacks being written by "An awkward white guy in a cheap business suit" are correct.