Toxic High School (Topps, 1991)

Advisory: Please note that this pack has been rated PG by Topps for being - are you ready for it - PRETTY GROSS! Narf!

I don't know much about Topps' Toxic High School set other than that this pack originally cost a quarter and it has five stickers in the pack. The front also warns teachers to beware. I will.

But before I tear in, let's see what the back of the pack looks like.

FREE STEALTH BOMBER!!!  I'm going to buy a case of this stuff, send in all the wrappers, hire Iceman and Maverick and have myself a military. Oh, wait. It's the old bait and switch routing. I can send an SASE for a newsletter. Whoopie.

4. Arno Fleck: RIP
Arno looks more than a little bit like Alfred E. Newman of Mad Magazine fame. The art on this card looks like some old-school Mad Magazine artwork. I'm liking what I see.

17. School Librarian: SHH!
Wow, an alligator, a ghetto blaster and a girlie magazine. Where is this library?

30. Those Who Ignore History Class Are Doomed to Repeat It.
Al Roker rookie card. 'Nuff said.

56. Drama Club: Performing the Classics.
Any school that teaches the art of the Stooges is one I want to go to. There's one problem in this drama class: no cute girls. How Shakespeare-ian.

63. Goodbye Toxic High School Club
How appropriate for the final card of this fine pack.

Toxic High School is a gem if this pack is any indication. There's colorful retro artwork, juvenile humor galore and some nice homages to the past to boot. This is clearly one of the overlooked gems of the non-sport world, probably because it's from the year 1991 and there's probably warehouses filled with this stuff - still.

Saved by the Bell: The New Class sucked. Let's see what the next generation of Toxic High graduates look like.