Friday, March 07, 2008

1989 Bazooka

Here's the box rip I promised in the big long writeup on my own blog. This is a real genuine box of twenty year old gum, complete with a card of a star from twenty years ago. Let's open this beast up.

29 pieces of horrible, horrible gum
29 Bazooka Joe comics
17 of 22 Ricky Jordan

Ricky Jordan was a Shining Star back in the late 80's. If you asked 100 rabid baseball fans today who he is, 99 would probably say Michael's little brother while one Philly fan would talk for a hour about the single he hit against the Blue Jays in game 2 of the 1993 World Series. He was super hot in the late 80's though after he hit a home run in his debut and went on to hit .308 with 11 dingers in his rookie year. After one full year with the Phils, injuries wiped him out and he finished his career as a pinch hitter with Seattle. People still horded his cards like they were gold. I bought a 1990 Upper Deck factory set from a kid in the neighborhood back in 1991. He swore up and down that it was a complete set even though it was opened, then when I got it home about 30 of the best cards were missing. Thankfully I was a senior and he was a freshman so a little coercing got him to cough up most of the cards he filched. The one I remember him really bitching about though was the Ricky Jordan. Not the Dave Justice rookie, not the Nolan Ryan (although the little jerk still has the Ryan high series 300-win card) but the Ricky Jordan card was the one he fought over. Go figure. The Phillies official site has a nice "where are they now" article on Ricky if you do indeed wonder where he is now. Along with the card there's a ton of gum, and as you can see, the gum is horrific:

Blleaargh! Fungus gum. You have to deal with the gum in order to get to the comics though, and here's a vintage Bazooka Joe comic for your edification:

Ha! Ha! Crippling accidents are funny! He lived though, so according to Mel Brooks this joke is not funny. I trust Mel more than Bazooka Joe to be honest. My fortune states that what was once a no-no is now a maybe-maybe. Chewing this nasty gum is a no-no, and always will be. Apparently the comics are worth two comics each due to rampant humor inflation. That means the Bazooka T-Shirt only costs 3 bucks plus the comics from 45 pieces of gum which equals a box and a half. They only offer small, medium and large shirts though! Who are they going to be able to sell those to? Oh wait, yeah. I guess I'll have to get my faux-retro Bazooka t-shirt from Target like everyone else. Well, that's my box of 20 year old gum, if you'll excuse me, I need to unwrap the comics and throw the gum in an an autoclave. Die fungus, die!

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